Slowly, Slowly, death will catch you

I breath in and out. I walk around each and everyday, going through the motions. But DEATH is real. It is so real it makes me stop and think about what I am actually doing. And am I really LIVING my LIFE to the fullest or am I just going through LIFE? Dealing with the emotions and the fun times like I am supposed to, the way my parents and teachers tell me I'm supposed to deal with them, or do I really choose what I am choosing?

I don't quite know.

But sometimes I feel like I only Exist, that my only reason for being here, are because my parents once decided they wanted to create LIFE. But that can't be so. Because I am the youngest in my family. Meaning that my parents created LIFE many times before, and that was so great and LIFE is so grand, that I was worth something more, that my LIFE has something more. I don't quite know what all of my meaning is about yet, but I do know that there is more to LIFE than simply existing. That in order to start LIVING, you have to be introduced to DEATH. 

I was in the 3rd grade when seven people in my extended family DIED, within five or so months.

I hated music. I never wanted people to sing, because that reminded me of the joy, the joy of LIFE that none of those seven people could ever enjoy. I didn't enjoy LIFE. And I think that was an eye opener to me. 

I didn't understand then, that just because those people couldn't enjoy LIFE anymore, didn't mean that I couldn't either. So after a while, (it was probably a year before I really liked music again, and really just now) do I realize, I need to LIVE. I need to forget that things could take away my freedom and tie me down with the bonds of DEATH, and realize that LIFE is short. I need to embrace each day, no matter how late I wake up, and how much homework I forgot to do for Math that day. I need to smile at each and every person, treat them like it could be their last day. Cause for now, I'm LIVING, and I need to act like it.